Moshi Moshi: Speaking Native Japanese Has Its Positives and Pitfalls

Every international resident of Japan wants to speak better Japanese. So, talking fluently makes life in Japan perfect, right? While being able to speak the language is better than not, there are some surprising side effects. Sometimes, these are minor annoyances, or I get in trouble or feel greater responsibility because of my fluency. Other times, I get out of trouble or am given leeway because of my appearance. Living in Japan is about the people you interact with, and people are endlessly fascinating. Here are a few of my stories.

Learning Japanese

Many believe Japanese is the most difficult language in the world. Writing Japanese, with two alphabets and 2,000+ Chinese characters, is an accomplishment. Learning from scratch is daunting, so people always ask how I did it. The answer is that I cheated. I grew up in Japan and attended public school, so their struggles are hearsay for me. I don't remember when I could not speak Japanese, so I am unhelpful in that department. Also, I took a month to study for the highest-level Japanese language test, the JLPT N1 and passed. So yeah, I cheated.

The Dilemma

When making a reservation by phone, everyone assumes I am Japanese. I ask whether they are available, give them the details, and provide my phone number. Then, I tell them my name, Daniel, creating a brief pause. "Can you repeat that? Are you Daniel, or are you speaking on his behalf? Will there be a native Japanese speaker on the day of the reservation so we can communicate?" I've heard it all.

Occasionally, I give the restaurant a fake Japanese name to avoid questions. The problem arises when I arrive at the restaurant, claiming to be Mr Kobayashi. I must either explain myself or act like they are the crazy ones. Conveniently, if a Japanese person is in the group, they can be Kobayashi for the day.

The Conversation

Another side effect of speaking Japanese is "the conversation." The conversation is a daily occurrence in the countryside but rarely happens anymore in Tokyo. It goes like this:

Them: Wow, your Japanese is so good.

Me: Thank you! (I admit that I grew up in Japan, went to public school, and have lived here for 26 years. Or I claim that I started studying Japanese last year. They are understanding, impressed, or doubtful).

Them: Oh, you are basically Japanese!

Me, half joking: Oh no, I'm still studying, I have a long way to go, and I can only understand the basics (In Japan, humility is essential, even if it's fake or they know you know it's fake).

Them: Why did you move to Japan?

Me: My parents came for work and liked it so much they stayed for 16 years.

Them: Do you like Japan better than America?

Me: Oh yes, the food is better, it's much safer, and I feel at home. But I do miss my family and Mexican food.

I have reenacted some version of this conversation thousands of times. Friends ask if I get tired of repeating my story. While the temptation to ignore the question is there, I remind myself that people are genuinely curious. It's also an excellent way to meet people. In fact, it's easier for Westerners to make friends in Japan because there is an automatic conversation starter, even with mediocre Japanese ability.

The Mental Image

Occasionally, there is a person who cannot grasp a white face producing flawless Japanese. You can see the information processing, but they cannot overcome this fundamental incompatibility. Typically, it's an older gentleman who attends classes and knows enough English to be dangerous. He prefers having a basic conversation in broken English rather than letting the conversation happen in Japanese. I must admit, I find this type annoying because I think, "Let me help you and make things easier on us both." Someone who speaks no English is much easier to converse with.

People Talking About You

Like anywhere, Japanese people talk about you if they don't think you understand. Most behind-the-back talk falls into two categories. First, international tourism to Japan has increased dramatically since the pandemic, so people comment within earshot about how many international tourists there are these days. 

Fair enough. Despite working in tourism, I get annoyed by the number of international tourists. 

Second, people comment on how you look. I have heard "kakkoii" (handsome) and "hana ga takai" (he has a high nose, this is a massive compliment in Japan) a few times. Thankfully the commentary is positive so far.

Surprising Racism

There is also lingering racism in Japan. In my experience, real estate is the worst. One time, when renting a house in Nagano, everything seemed finished. I talked to the agent about the necessary paperwork and was ready to pull the trigger. The agent saw no issue with the transaction. But the landlord, learning I was a gaijin, said not so fast and pulled the plug. I'm not even sure it's legal, but this form of racism certainly still exists in Japan, as I have heard similar stories from other residents.

Should I be the Savior?

Another situation is international tourists struggling to communicate at restaurants, hotels, or tourist attractions. I see the staff person attempting unsuccessfully to communicate a basic idea. I could translate, and it would take ten seconds. But I know that's a short-term solution, and the Japanese person needs to know how to explain this basic information. But I also want tourists to have a positive impression of their time in Japan. 

Now that Japan is a global tourist destination, Japanese people must improve their English. There is no way around it. Yet, refusal to conform to the world is part of Japan's appeal, and I want to keep Japan's culture unique, too.

Getting Out of Trouble

I always joke that if I am pulled over by the police, my Japanese language abilities will instantly evaporate. My brother told me about his unsuccessful attempt at this stunt where he was held up for three hours and had to stay in character once he pretended not to speak Japanese. 

While I'm not sure I would go to those lengths, I have been known to enter off-piste areas of ski resorts. When receiving a warning from ski patrol, I must admit to doctoring my Japanese level down to seem like the quintessential Aussie ski bum on a trip to Japan.

Mixed Emotions

Again, Japan's objectively low English level is a blessing and a curse. In some ways, Japan should get with the program and learn better English. They have one of the highest literacy rates in the world, so applying those lessons to English teaching should be attainable. 

On the other hand, Japan is Japan because it doesn't conform to the world. They proudly retain their customs and culture in all aspects. Language is inseparable from culture, so changing a language is changing culture. I'm not sure what the right balance is, but it is an issue that Japan will continue to grapple with.

Grateful for Opportunities

As long as English in Japan is mediocre, people like me will have plenty of job opportunities in whichever field they choose. One of the reasons I returned to Japan after university was that I saw an opportunity to be a big fish in a small pond. 

In the States, no one cares if you speak Japanese. Overall, speaking Japanese has been a tremendous advantage for me here. I am forever grateful to my parents for putting me in public Japanese schools from age two. Sometimes I failed to understand or appreciate their reasoning, but it has provided life-long dividends that continue to this day. I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

If you live in Japan, I recommend learning the language. It opens a world of opportunities, interactions, and cultural understanding that is otherwise challenging or impossible to access. Even if you are visiting, learning a few words or phrases will help you meet people and your efforts will be appreciated.

RELATED: 

• Driving a Kei Truck to Fit In and Stick Out
• My Akiya Airbnb: How to Buy an Empty House in Rural Japan
• [Bookmark] Akiya and Inaka: The Complexities of Buying Empty Houses in Japan’s Countryside
• Happy Haiku Day! How a Kiwi Fell in Love with the 5-7-5 as a Medium of Storytelling

Author: Daniel Moore

Learn more about the wild side of Japan through Daniel's essays.